12 May 2006

I ask myself: "what do you need somebody for?"

I've always thought I need somebody to rely on, to share my thoughts with, my joys and my worries, to give my time to, to enjoy what life brings, to acknowledge I exist for some reason other than breathing and eating.

I am starting to understand now that there is no need to need anybody. The moment you feel you need somebody means you've screwed up everything. Love is meant to be an emotion that sets you free.

Love takes you away from the daily routine, it fills you with hope in the good to come, it teaches you to share, to give, to receive. It gives you the tools to overcome pain and frustration. It gives you the tools to fly away. It gives you freedom.

If you allow yourself to see in love a necessity then you've lost love and created dependence. Dependence makes you do to ask for, give to receive and take for granted the other has to be yours. Dependence brings you suffering and misunderstandings. Dependence is not love; it's the consequence of loving in a bad way.

I've been through hell because I was not loved [...] Love did not led me through hell; dependence did. The pain of loving only grew it stronger; the pain of dependence killed [me].

I shouldn't think "I wish I found someone who loved me"... I should think "Never forget love and let be loved... and listen to your heart when it's time to leave".

Love is as free as the mind, powerful, rewarding. But if you try to kill it, it will hurt you.

Missed you

Sometimes I still wake up in the morning and I miss you. Sometimes is because you appear in my dreams and other times you just turn up in my head... more often than not. Maybe is not even you any more, maybe it is just an idea of you. I wouldn't know, maybe never will!

I don't need anything. I don't need anyone.

I just want it :)

Pink

I don't really understand what has happened, what's going on with me and why things happen the way they do. I wish I could just look ahead with a sweet smile and a naughty one to the past... if it was just as easy as that...

The truth is that life goes on and you can fix very little looking back again and again, whether it's two days or two years. The sun will rise again, the calendar will loose another day, the alarm clock will wake us up no matter how hard we try to snooze it, the world will start again... and die while we sleep. The truth is that, as much as one can try to re-live and change the past out loud, time and space won't let us do it. So it should be easy to look ahead with a sweet smile and wink to the past... What an irony.

Wanting what we don't have, trying the impossible to get closer to what we wish for or mere chemistry stronger than the reason, the only truth is what we feel. Although because I am an under developed human being with a conscience, I cannot continue without ripping the skin off uncertainty and ignorance.

Tired

I am so tired... Tired of lying, tired of pretending, tired of being nice, tired of what life is. I love listening to all those who take decisions, all those who take their life and live it and don't wait for others to rule it. Tired. So fucking tired.